brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
