as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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