hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
