It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
