I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hippo gnu deer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
