goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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