I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
