Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize