maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
