Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The best revenge is premature balding
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
