My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
