What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
