Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
