apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
