I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
