____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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