I'm going to jail i love you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
