You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
