you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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