I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
