I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
