new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
