i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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