We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
