So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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