I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
