With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
