She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
