so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
