Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
