i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this boner is exhausting
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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