so that wasnt chicken after all
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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