we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
