her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
