Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
