You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
