OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
