Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
