my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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