You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
