The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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