Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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