i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
