Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize