Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
