please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i believe in u and ur pee
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
