New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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