His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
