Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
