like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
