dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Watching her eat just hurts me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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