we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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