today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
