I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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