The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
