haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
