i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
