using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
