i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
