we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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