I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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