it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
