We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
