your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
