i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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