My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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