I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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