dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
